D'oh! Pearl Harbor Day. No THC for me.

The History Channel has not been keeping me too satisfied lately, and if it has a chance to make anyone happy it will be me. I tried to evolve a top ten list to describe all the silly programs posing as history they won't stop running these days. I an terrible at this kind of thing even though I love the idea, so if any of you has some ideas, which inevitably more clever and more funny people will (JPH3), send them in as a comment because I would love to work this up:

Top ten History Channel program formulas:

1. You may believe in the Jesus of scripture--but tune in tonight when our very credible, Australian-dialected archaeologists will uncover evidence that instead, you are an idiot. In general.
2. All mysterious events in history were caused by aliens, rendering it meaningless, but making it appeal to a much wider audience.
3. What happened on December 7, of course, can never be discussed without Tom Brokaw.
4. 'Reign of Terror' now refers to all periods of history, too bad you wasted your time on your history homework.
5. WWII seems awfully boring, but tonight the same suff will be dubbed over by people speaking an excellent fake German accent. (We will throw in the sound ‘z’ a lot).
6. "Uncovering the mysteries of King Tut: Turns out he is pretty well wrapped up." (Ending with "despite all efforts of these scholars, he will forever, in the annals of time, remain, to all the ages, even though we dig him up and put him behind glass in every single museum, a mystery, which we wish we could have uncovered like we said.")
7. "Search for the giant squid" (Obviously that ends in failure because it may be we discover tonight that there may be no such thing as a giant squid.)
8. Hey, shouldn’t #7 be on the Discovery Channel?
9. Come to mention it, shouldn't #2 be on the Sci-Fi channel?
10. Any show can be rendered fascinating if narrated by 'that history guy.'

Slade said some of these went over his head but that he liked the giant squid one. Clearly I know nothing about comedy, I thought it was actually my most pandering. I should keep my day job, even with the writers' strike.